Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
