do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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