His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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