Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize