The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
