so explain again why im purple
no
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
