he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
