matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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