last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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