There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
