there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
