You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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