Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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