We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
