I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
