its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
organizing the empties. That sober.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
