Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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