Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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