What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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