We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was CRYING into my vagina
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
