Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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