i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
