Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
