I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
