Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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