I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
