Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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