You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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