my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo