I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?