The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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