headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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