If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
