wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
