Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
