I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
