when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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