He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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