Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize