Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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