WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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