i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His nipple licking is glorious
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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