You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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