i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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