i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
