i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
