she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
