Only a mothe r could love this liver
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
