Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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