clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
