I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
