she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So much rum. So many feels.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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