I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
