i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
