guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
