im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
