Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
