Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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