It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
