my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
