Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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