talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
