This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
