OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
