I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
