DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
