i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
