Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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