Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
thus making me awesome and them whores
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
