I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
