I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
