so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
