Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
