take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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