omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
