After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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