Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
