Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
