trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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